Drill Issue 15 October 2005: Marbled,- C.D Album: by Mark Airlie. Well, where do i begin..... ''Marbled'' the C.D album written and recorded in mid 2000 in my lounge in a flat in Mt. Victoria,- Wellington City. I played all the instruments,- did the voice & recorded it, as an ''Anti-dote'' to the pain i was feeling ,- or should i say was ''engulfed by'' at that time. Marbled was recorded on to a Tascam 4track. All i had (instrument wise) was an Ibanez 6 string elec guitar,- an acoustic 1 string (bottom E),- which at times was detuned low and used as bass,- an old Fender twin 100 watt Amplifier, and 1 Shure 57 microphone. ( I didn't have a drum-kit at the time,- so i used suitcases of various sizes to hit with my hands,- a plastic pipe and a metal ashtray + metal and wooden objects which i played percussively with a couple of chunky Artists paintbrush handles to provide beats etc.) There were no elaborate effects on the album, bar, reverb and distortion used on the elec guitar in places. I wrote the poems and songs rather quickly,- at times spontaneously.......the music and words seemed to simply ooze out easily. I knew i was close to ''burn out'' so i wrote and recorded as fast as i could go..... The opening few tracks are poems,- spoken, with some musical and percussive noises, in part --- short testimonies about the accumulated pain, living, poorly, for years in the city(with very few breaks) I mainly lived in Mount Victoria, though had lived briefly in Mt. Cook and Newtown for a total of 10 years. Everything came to a head at the beginning of the new millineum, for a start my marriage was splattered on the rocks,- speedily heading for it's final resting place: Divorce,- also one of my best Friend's died, suddenly of a Heart Attack,- i tried forming relationships (separately) with about 3 women over a period of 6 months,- all collapsing within a month or 2. Also my loving dog (Hermann),- a friend and companion for 12yrs was steadily dying of Cancer...... i won't forget the day the Vet injected him to death in my Lounge. Nothing was going right at all ,- i started getting very darkly depressed,- living on the dole, barely covering my rent and losing weight rapidly through being unable to eat properly( i thought i had stomach cancer ,- as i got alot of pain there) I had to get food parcels from Church Organizations and Friends helped me out. I got to the stage where dark Panic Attacks had me running down Courtenay Place, heading for the seclusion of Home,- at times almost getting hit by traffic.I got very thin physically as a 'tightness'' in my throat made eating very difficult....sometimes it took me about an hour just to eat one sandwhich ( eating slowly for fear of choking) Somedays it felt like i was really dying,- that my Soul was leaving my body. I collapsed frenquently onto the Shower floor crying and praying to God to keep me alive,- that i wasn't ready to go,- to let me ''right my ''wrongs'',- prove myself,- and to gather strength just to get through each day. I got to the stage where getting out of my flat was almost impossible due to my raging Agoraphobia Depression , and Horrible Panic Attacks.Everything outside seemed to be in Black and White as though the colour had been removed from everything, the Sky,- the Trees, everything.... and the loudness of everything,- Traffic ,- kids yelling ,- squealing Bus brakes, Road Works..... every noise seemed 10 times louder....My environment took on a Hellish,- Surreal guise. Just before i alerted my Family ( who took me out to Titahi Bay for some rest and T.L.C.) I remember a Sunny day that i managed to escape from the Flat and go for a walk by the Old Museum (Now part of Massey University in Wellington on Buckle Street) where i caught my reflection in a window frame....i remember the shock of looking like the ''walking Dead''....... my face looked really old and boney,- my hair was very long and scraggy , a sort of untidy , dirty brown colour with grey, i saw my mottley old long trench coat,- and realized i looked like a filthy old Tramp,- wizened and smelly. I knew at that instant that it was time to leave the City. I slowly , but, surely recovered in the quiet Sanctuary of my Mother's house in Ti-tahi Bay..... Mum looked after me and with the help of Family nutured me back to Health,- one slow day at a time. As i have said my C.D. ''Marbled'' is an Auric Anti-dote to what i was feeling......sure there are direct dark transcripts from the Nightmare.....other tracks are there to heal. The music overall can remove ones pain altogether,- after a few listens. Cheers,- Mark. of 10 years.